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Nappy Wrestling

September 9, 2010

In the Pink corner we have Miss Lyra Hesmondhalgh – “The Wriggly Eel” famed for her Houdini like ability to escape from any grip. In the Blue corner we have Mummy – “The Exasperated Desperado” whose special moves include the one handed whip-it-out-wipe-and-on.

Ding Ding! Round One

Mummy goes in strong. She is going for the old ‘distraction technique’. Out comes the iPhone and a cuddly toy. Lyra lulls her into a false sense of security by lying still whilst her trousers are removed then quick as a flash she flips herself over onto her belly.

Lyra One. Mummy Nil.

Ding Ding! Round Two

Mummy wrestles Lyra back onto her back. Lyra lets out a grown of displeasure that could clearly be heard three houses down where the NSPCC are hurriedly being called. Mummy manages to remove the nappy only to realise, too late, that Lyra has done a secret poo…

Lyra Two. Mummy Nil.

Ding Ding! Round Three

Lyra launches het feet into the poo with gusto. An underprepared mummy chokes back the cries of horror as Lyra’s designer socks pay the price for her foolish error.

Lyra Three. Mummy Nil.

Ding Ding! Round Four

Mummy manages to wipe clean a clearly unimpressed Lyra who executes a perfect ninja flip back onto her belly, up onto her knees and away. Mummy is left trailing with a wipe in one hand, a nappy in the other and a lump in her throat.

Lyra Four. Mummy Nil

Ding Ding! Round Five

Mummy does three laps of the house trailing a squealing Lyra who eventually tires and allows Mummy to put on the new nappy whilst she stands pausing for breath.

Lyra Four. Mummy One

Ding Ding! Round Six

Lyra’s off again. Mummy decides the un-trousered look is very in vogue and collapses in a crumpled heap. With chocolate.

Lyra wins game set and match.

(all events chronicled are entirely fictional. Or at least I sincerely do wish they were).

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11 Comments
  1. mummyandkatie permalink

    those events are exactly how it goes… and if it’s not true to your house, you’ve got a secret camera in mine, minus the iphone, cos that’s EXACTLY, to the letter, the way of it!

  2. Carla permalink

    this made me laugh and groan at the same time. Alexa is exactly the same!!

    • I used to change Lyra’s nappy a LOT more frequently when she was cooperative. I can’t believe she used to actually LIKE having her nappy changed… those were the days…

  3. Hehehe poor mummy… Can’t say we have too much of that problem! Ben knows the drill and the benefits of a nappy change.

    And you’ll know for next time – ALWAYS check inside before opening a nappy, just in case! Bribery with chocolate, breadsticks, iPhones, watches, brioche – all acceptable in the ring 😉

  4. Miranda permalink

    Pull-ups. It’s the only way to go. Put them on like knickers when they’re standing up.

  5. Claire Dark permalink

    It’s been so lovely recently, Evie has started to go and lie down on her changing mat when I say “Evie time to change your nappy, go and lie on your mat for mummy”…obviously she only does this when it suits her, otherwise she runs off rapidly in the other direction.!

    • I can’t imagine Lyra ever being that obedient. I can but dream though!

      • mummyandkatie permalink

        it appears to be in the hips… restrain the hips and they can’t get the highspeed roll/flick action going on. Sometimes.

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